Once Upon A Time In Shanghai

The midnight wind howled wildly on my liquor-tinged face. I was seated at the back of my roommate's motorbike, speeding past red lights, taking in those fleeting seconds of eternal youth. Shanghai's glitzy streets zoomed by in a wild blur. I've never felt so free.

We had just come from a downtown club filled with friends from Fudan - a night of festive dancing, funny poses, and farewell hugs. The sun peeked from the horizon; July was going by too fast. We rode past the pavements still alive with tipsy foreigners and beeping cabs. Shanghai, the city that never sleeps. We pass by the French Concession, Nanjing Road, the Bund... these places trigger in me a high-speed reel of reminiscence. As my mind flashed across the memories, I realized that they were too important not to keep. Since then, I waited for the words to come, for my emotions to build momentum and crash onto paper as ink. It's not easy trying to catch a waterfall in a bottle, but here goes.

In August 2010, I came to Shanghai with little more than a scholarship notice and a mindset for adventure. As I stood quietly in line during registration day, my thoughts drifted back to the smooth-sailing life I had left behind, and I pondered about the possibility of spending one lonely year in this strange city. As it turned out, those thoughts wouldn’t even last a day. After wandering around the sprawling campus for about an hour, I found the dorm building and went up to what was going to be my home for one year, Room 327. I was lucky to find a great roommate there, who then introduced me to our friendly third-floor neighbors. We would spend the next few days partying at Shanghai’s famous nightspots, drinking and dancing as though we had known each other for years, and nothing would be the same since.

In the first semester, everything hummed with a sense of carefree newness. From the dingy corridors of Building 2 to the bright open spaces of Guanghua, our classrooms gathered people from different nations and even more diverse backgrounds. I had classmates who were exchange students, central bankers, part-time models, and full-time bums. In this melting pot we lived a hundred vicarious lives through stories we shared in our accented English and broken Chinese. The more we shared, the more we discovered that we weren’t so different after all. It was amazing how a bunch of strangers hailing from every corner of the world had all been brought together at the same time and place by a common desire to learn the Chinese language. 

Although we had our fair share of homework from subjects like Intensive Reading, Listening, and Writing, no one really studied. On warm days, we would run to Fudan’s many open fields and play football. As it got colder, we tried go-kart driving, yoga, movie nights, and midnight snowball fights. We were part-time students and full-time fun-seekers. On the day before our exams, we played 4 on 4 DoTA in our neighbor’s room for eight hours of bliss, interrupted only by a McDonald’s delivery at 3 in the morning. 

For many  of us, it was the longest we had ever been away from home, and no one dared to waste this unprecedented freedom. We got to pick oranges in the middle of Taihu with a group of North Korean scholars during our field trip. We grabbed the chance to watch the world’s top tennis players during the Shanghai Masters. While traveling around Beijing, we spontaneously decided to book a jampacked, standing-room train to Inner Mongolia, where we spent a day horseback riding across Hohhot’s endless grasslands. And right before our exam week, we went straight to Nanjing after yet another DotA all-nighter and climbed behind a guarded fence to reach an ancient mountain observatory.

Weekends were all about playing drinking games at the dorm lobby, drinking even more at the smoky grounds of Helen’s, and hopping around clubs once we started to get tipsy. On the way back we would open the cab windows and let our singing voices crack the silence of the breaking dawn. Every other weekend, there would be some friend of a friend holding a house party at Tonghe, which were peppered with heavy drinking, occasional flirting, and formulaic conversations asking where you’re from, which class you’re in, and how many clubs you’ve been to.  

The second semester was a little tamer but no less fun. As I grew more familiar with Shanghai life, I started to establish set routines. I had classes from Tuesday to Friday, where we studied Business Chinese, Law and Finance in China, and Chinese Economic History. Group presentations replaced the previous semester’s homework and exams. Since we would usually finish class early, I spent my afternoons playing basketball in the open courts or loitering around sunny Wujiaochang. I especially enjoyed riding my bike around the campus in the midst of the spring breeze and dancing leaves. 

My routine was not as set with food. On some days, my classmates and I would bring Coco milk tea and some oily Muslim chaofan to the Guanghua grass field for a short lunch picnic. We also made the rounds at nearby restaurants like the always-packed Dongbei restaurant and crowd-favorite Ciao Cafe. On Wednesday nights, we had Filipino potluck dinners at my friend’s place down the street. For most other nights, we alternated between delivery food, street food outside the dorms, the basket of crispy glazed ING chicken, and rice meals from the Japanese restaurant with the creepy ayi.

The highlight of the second semester was definitely our school trip to Guilin. The twenty-three hour train ride to Guilin was a Hogwarts Express of sorts. We owned that train. More than a hundred Fudan students mingled boisterously on the way to a land of legendary beauty. Guilin was also where my twenty-one year streak of quiet birthday celebrations ended, on the night of April 12, 2011. I received a string of surprises throughout the day, climaxing when I entered my dark room and around twenty friends from around the world came together to greet me with a birthday cake and a bottle of Maotai. Already drunk at the bar, I got dragged to the stage to sing random songs. We headed to the club afterwards, where pandemonium struck at midnight. They played the Happy Birthday song, and more than a hundred people sang and cheered and jostled me left and right. All the while, I tried to keep my composure but inside it was fireworks. I was in a daze, a state of mad euphoria which my mind and senses could no longer comprehend. It was my best birthday ever. 

The next few months took us to even more places. We journeyed to the picturesque mountain range of Huangshan and to my ancestral hometown of Xiamen. We biked around the hills of Chongming islands. In Qingdao, we joined the US delegation in a televised parade that marked the beer city’s anniversary. On the weekends that we weren’t travelling, we engaged in less clubbing and more indoor sports, food trips, and KTV sessions that meandered till dawn. 

Fudan had become our home, the stage of our shared experiences. In the short span of time when this group of strangers crossed paths, we found a big brother from Korea, a lover from Africa, a best friend from Spain, someone we look up to from the other side of the world. I would learn a great deal from these people, things that classes will never be able to teach. Walking on the school grounds, I would see familiar faces hailing from unfamiliar lands. In many ways, that little corner of Shanghai was the world - a world that got bigger with all the grand sights and colorful stories, but also smaller because now in every corner of the globe we had someone we once watched a movie with at Wanda, or shared a drink with at Helen’s, or rubbed elbows with in the suffocating crowds of M2. This big world had become such a cozy place.

Still, July came too soon. I like to believe that I will meet everyone again, that those last weeks were not goodbyes but see-you-next-times. But life is not a perpetual reel of reminiscence - some friends are recurring characters, and some just play a single act in the story of our lives. Looking back, I've come to realize that what matters most is not the duration of our friendships but rather the impact that we had on one another at that moment in our lives, such that our time in Shanghai became an existential turning point for many of us.


A year has since passed. I wrote this to chronicle those crazy times, those ordinary places we turned extraordinary through our recklessness and joy. I wrote this to remember that once upon a time, we were all strangers from strange lands, yet our stories all intersected in Shanghai. We spent the best year of our lives with each other, and we would leave with a constellation of memories and friendships that light up the world.

Stumbling upon the meaning of home in a faraway place

I'm on my office computer now, on the tail end of another lazy day. I just finished my last project, an innovation trends study for airport retail. My boss is currently on a business trip, and since we're all partners-in-crime here in our small office, I'm basically free to do anything I want. Normally, I'd be on another tab right now, scrolling down an endless Facebook newsfeed and right-clicking "Open in New Tab" for every story I find interesting, which eventually leads to 50 new tabs and the next few hours flushed away. Repeat ad infinitum. I indulge in this strangely therapeutic madness whenever I'm bored, but today I strangely have an itch to write, something I haven't really felt in months.

I've been working here in Shanghai for more than seven months now. I'm generally satisfied with my work (although the pay could be a lot better) and I know that I've been blessed with a wonderful opportunity to work in a small company with a big brand prestige, meet interesting people in the Chinese and European business circles, and engage in my ideal line of work which are innovation and consulting. Moreover, it's the experience of working abroad which I really find enriching. For better and for worse, the unprecedented freedom I'm experiencing here has changed me. Facing unknown expectations, adapting with foreign coworkers, finding my place, doing my own chores... This is Real Life 101, and I'm definitely learning a lot both inside and outside the office.

I was going through some of my old blog posts earlier, and it's funny to see how idealistic, romantic, and existentially restless I was back then. I have changed a lot since then, but in many ways I'm still the same college self who wrote all those entries. I found it especially funny when I read an old entry entitled "Boredom and Escape", where I rant about how bored I was in a dull semester with an unending barrage of homework and how much I wanted to escape from it all and live a free life somewhere else.

Well, here I am now, and I've come to realize that living abroad is a lot more complicated than I thought it would be.

The freedom I'm experiencing here is certainly refreshing, sometimes even empowering. I can choose to do things by myself without the shackling comforts and parental impositions I experience back home. I just love the feeling of waking up on a Saturday morning and knowing that I could shape the day into whatever I want it to be. I take my notebook and iPad, walk to the nearest metro station, and ride it to a random stop. I feel like eating pizza and pasta, so I walk into an Italian cafe. I stay there the whole afternoon downloading the latest apps and reading a book I've always wanted to read. As I gorge on carbonara and sip a hot cup of espresso, I think about what I want to do the next day. I feel like playing basketball, so I text some friends to meet at the Fudan courts the following morning. I receive some replies, along with an invitation to drink at a bar near Xintiandi after dinner. Since I had nothing else to do that night, I reply yes. This is the life. The life I've always wanted.

Only when I stopped being a student did I see the underside of the independent lifestyle, and how tiring and lonely it can sometimes get. During my first year here as a student, all I had to worry about were what new places I would visit in the weekend, where to have dinner, how to spend more time with friends. Everything else was taken care of. I guess many people hold on to the student life because it holds the sweet spot between freedom and set direction. You're free to meet, learn, and do what you want, yet there is already a present structure to follow.

Working of course is a different story. I have to wake up early, care about how I dress and act in front of coworkers, and finish tasks I couldn't care less about for the sake of impressing my superiors. Work doesn't end when I leave the office, as I have to worry about my visa issues, rent contract, unwashed dishes, groceries to buy, and a ton of other things my local coworkers won't have to worry about.

I also realized that living abroad means learning how to cope with the changes that happen all the time. One day you spend every waking moment with a tight group of friends, and the next day they just go back to their homes on the other side of the world, and you don't know the next time you'll see them again. Most of my friends have since left Shanghai, and these days I spend my weekends either reading and Skyping in my room or aimlessly roaming around Shanghai's glitzy streets. I rarely felt it during my carefree student days here, but now it's sinking in.

I miss home.

I miss the stable life where relationships aren't as fickle as Shanghai's weather. I miss freely playing basketball in our backyard and not worrying about groceries and laundry. I miss eating isaw and Chickenjoy, watching ABS-CBN, and driving to SM to escape the heat. Most of all, I miss listening to my parents' stories and laughing at my brothers' latest misadventures in school.

Why does the grass always have to be greener on the other side? The sentiment struck me as hard as DOT struck the social media airwaves: It's still more fun in the Philippines. Beneath the sweltering heat and grime, the broken street lamps and meandering traffic jams, the Philippines is a charming country - a colorful hodgepodge of American, Spanish, Chinese, and indigenous influences, a place where no hardships can ever stop people from smiling, singing, and helping out a friend in need.

I always naively thought that living abroad was an easy ticket to happiness and a golden pass to accomplishment. My life plans have always been built on the premise of going to another country. Now that I'm almost two years into it, I realize that it's not as clear-cut as I had thought. Yes, my stay in Shanghai has led me to a cool job, a bunch of wonderful people, and some of the most exciting moments in my life. But most importantly, it led me to the realization that there is no such thing as a greener pasture. It had to take eighteen months and over a thousand miles, but now I'm beginning to see all the great things I've taken for granted about my country. As I count the days before I go back to the Philippines, I realize that there's no other place I'd rather call home.

Whose hands?

Looking forward, everything is driven by choice.

Looking back, everything was shaped by destiny.

Thank you, Mr. Bernal

During my freshman year in college, I had the great fortune to study literature under the esteemed National Artist, Salvador Bernal.

Having barely dipped our toes into college life, such a quirky professor can almost be too intimidating to bear. Mr Bernal would start every class with a quiz on obscure vocabulary words. As the class discussed the story, everyone would start flipping their textbooks with feigned diligence as he randomly called students to answer his out-of-this-world questions. Reading hundreds of pages proved futile for his unpredictable long exams. Studying literature under Salvador Bernal was often stressful and occasionally even nerve-wracking. It was also everyone's favorite class.

In my four years in Ateneo, I had the privilege to learn from the best educators in the country. Salvador Bernal stood out as the best of the best, and he remained my favorite teacher all the way until my graduation. I still remember how his classes made reflecting on stories as fun and stimulating as a treasure hunt. Every question he asked unraveled layers of meaning until we finally arrived at that elusive gem of insight. By encouraging us to think and to discover, he instilled in us a sense of wonder and a genuine love for learning. The lessons he taught us changed the way I saw the world.

Farewell Mr. Bernal. Thank you for teaching me how to see life through the prism of literature. I owe you my fascination for the written word, and for that I will always be grateful.

Minsan

Minsan inaabangan ko pa din
mga mensahe mula sa ibayong dagat
Gising na, ang ganda ng umaga
O kaya ingat ka, wag magpagabi
Mga maliliit na paalala na
Sa malayong sulok ng mundo ay naroon siya
Nag-aantay, nagmamahal

Minsan naalala ko pa din
ngiting hulog ng langit
Na unang umakit
Sa birhen na pusong
nakahanap na sa wakas ng kapares
Nagdiriwang sa mga yakap at halik
sintamis ng mga alaalang di na babalik

Minsan naririnig ko pa din
Sa katahimikan ng hatinggabi
malambing na tinig na naguumapaw sa tuwa at kilig
at sa isang kisapmata
ako'y matatawa din
Hanggang sa mapagtanto ko
na anino ko lang pala ang nakikinig

Muli ko siyang tatanungin
Bakit mo tinalikuran ang pag-ibig na wagas?
Walang sawa ka niyang hinintay, walang patid kang minahal
Bakit ka tumahak sa di tuwid na landas?
Kahit ilan pang paumanhin mo ay mahirap nang maibuo
ang mga matatalim na bubog
ng basag na puso

Dito na darating ang tanong na pinakamasakit
Bakit mo pinakawalan ang magpakailanman?
Isasagot niya na hindi pa siya handa
Kailangan niya munang makipagsapalaran
Upang hanapin at maging tiyak sa sarili
Lilitaw ang panibagong tanong
Kailan, kailan pa ang tamang panahon?

Minsan bibiyayaan tayo ng tadhana
ng pagkakataong matagpuan ang taong habambuhay mamahalin
Kailan kaya, saan at sino
ang makapaghihilom ng nakaraang kay hapdi?
Bagaman masalimuot ang pag-ibig
Maniwala, magmahal, ngunit huwag kaligtaan
Sa pagmamahal, mahal din ang kabayaran.

We make life complicated.

Life is not really a matter of choice, it’s simply a battle of incentives. With a proper big-picture comprehensive mindset, the cost-benefit analysis is the ideal tool to make enlightened choices about anything. So life should have been that simple right? But… determining the costs and the benefits, those things are relative, subject to subjectivity. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure right? That’s where individual biases and perspectives come into play. That’s where we are led to believe that there is the illuision of choice. That’s what makes humanity so diverse… and interesting.

In need of a Dictator

My few months in China have brought me the realization that government is STILL the most powerful force in instituting change. It’s the platform where everything (education, infrastructure, employment, even enterprise) rides on. A healthy government is not just crucial, it is indispensable in its role as a force of development in a country. In line with this, I think that political will in the Philippines is too weak. There is no incentive to change the status quo precisely because those in power are enjoying the comforts of elite life at the expense of the masses. We need a dictator, no doubt about that. Just like China has always been run by dictators. Just as Singapore, Malaysia, Taiwan, and South Korea thrived under dictators. The biggest question though, is who, who has the political strength, intellectual capability, and public empathy to be the dictator of the Philippines?

2010

On this day exactly one year ago, our family just came home from a fun-filled vacation in Japan, and I was getting ready to resume my last semester in college.

Fast forward one year, now in a different country but together with the same awesome bunch, sitting here in this cozy hotel room in the heart of Suzhou typing this entry about my 2010.

Recounting the year's events with flowery words and abstract insights always has the danger of becoming superfluous, but I genuinely feel compelled to write a piece that can serve as a worthy capstone to a wonderful year. I am writing this piece for the same reasons that I blog in the first place.. to cement memories, to encapsulate emotions, to capture what blurry memories and old photographs could not, to elicit a few smiles, even if only from my future self, to bookmark the chronicles of my life.

2010 was undoubtedly the most important year of my life so far - over half a million minutes filled with milestones and achievements, endings and beginnings, colorful experiences, new friendships, and a plethora of firsts.

Half a million minutes. Fifty-two weeks. Take away 1/3 of that for sleep. Another 1/3 for meals, travel, traffic, and idle time. Which leaves a year with only sixteen weeks of actual productive time to flounder and flourish. It's amazing then such a brief span of time can bring about so much change in someone. I've never learned, laughed, loved, and lived as much as I did this year 2010. As the title says, this past year was packed with milestones.

The first few months of 2010 marked the culmination of college life. It was the best semester of my four years in Ateneo, maybe not in terms of grades, but certainly in terms of the learnings I gained, from the implementation of our business plan with LS, to the inspiration I got from some cool business electives, to the fulfillment of my Ateneo experience through the passionate lectures of Bobby Guev and the enlightening teachings of Ma'am Angeles. March 2010 marked the end of university life, the end of seventeen years of schooling, and most importantly, the beginning of real life.

2010 henceforth became a year of freedom and exploration. The ball was finally in my hands. I was living the existentialist ideal. After treading the rigid path of schooling for seventeen years, it felt liberating to finally have the full freedom to shape my life into anything I want it to be. After a flurry of job interviews, I signed my first job offer right on my birthday, and started work exactly a week after. My time with Thomson Reuters marked the second phase of my milestone year.

The company was kind to me right from the start. They allowed me to take a two-week leave three weeks into my employment, and off to England I went with my parents. Participating in the IPEX Print Show in Birmingham opened my eyes to the wide world of international business. As I was helping my dad set up our booth, I felt humbled by the sheer amount of effort and sacrifice my father went through to keep the company running. The exhibition left us with just three days to take a whirlwind tour of London, my dream city ever since reading my first Harry Potter book. After actually visiting the famous sites of the city, I can say that it's now among my favorite cities in the world.

My time at Thomson Reuters was a period of stepping up, becoming more organized, and having my first real taste of the corporate world. Getting my first salary was awesome, yet I never expected that my stay with the company would also turn out to be one of the fondest times of my life. Everyday I would go to work looking forward to the smiles and stories of my officemates. In my four months in the company, I was rotated around various tasks and scopes of responsibility. My time at Thomson Reuters proved that corporate life could be fun and even fulfilling. Moreover, I proved to myself that I can be productive in the corporate world. I was settled with the environment, happy with my officemates, and satisfied with the pay. It was the ideal life of comfort.

Newfound freedom, however, is not meant to settle. When there's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that comes your way, you know that you just have to take the leap. A chance to study in the best university in Shanghai, an entire year abroad all by myself, a blank slate, a perfect setting to wander and venture out. And so at the end of August, I left my job and embarked on the trip of a lifetime, the commencement of my first semester in Fudan University.

When you get to an unfamiliar environment, your awareness gets heightened, learning gets accelerated, and everyone you meet is a potential new friend. At first I thought that the absence of the familiar will be unsettling, but it only took a few weeks for Shanghai to feel like home. It was exciting to have a boisterous, caring bunch of friends as varied as the United Nations, all coming together to study Chinese. Through their stories and cultural comparisons, I was able to live vicariously in countries that were previously mere encyclopedia entries for me. As we shared friendships with people from every corner of the world, the world felt more connected and alive, less mysterious but more beautiful. Together we traversed through a series of firsts and unforgettable experiences, all adventurers in the most vibrant city of the most vibrant economy in the world. We spent nights getting drunk at the posh clubs of Shanghai, taking ten-hour train rides to the northern cities of Beijing and even Mongolia, visiting line-free pavilions in the World Expo, attending one house party after another, playing sports and LAN games, watching movies on the small screen of the dorm television... so busy living life that learning Chinese almost feels like a mere bonus.

The end of 2010 doesn't simply mark the end of a year, but also the end of a decade. This has been my formative decade, ten years that transformed an unassuming Grade 5 student into the person that is typing this entry on this cold New Year's Eve thousands of miles away from home. Everything contained from the years 2001 to 2010 will be the foundation of my life for decades to come. In a span of a decade, I've graduated grade school, high school, and college; and in between these milestones are all the memories, learnings, and friendships that I've ever had. In this lifetime, I will surely look back to this decade the most as it is where most of my childhood memories are contained. The backdrop of events on the world stage, the fall of America and the rise of Asia, the proliferation of mobile phones and the rise of the internet to ubiquity, the musical zeitgeist shriveling from boybands to Justin Bieber, are stories I can tell my grandchildren as the stories of my time.

Coming back to 2010... A year is simply an arbitrary boundary in the life of a person. An hour, a day, even a decade, these are just lines in a pad paper where the words and pictures often spill over. New Year's Day is just a man-made starting point to the perpetual cycle of sunrise and sunset. The chaotic subjectivity of time rarely obeys these man-made dividers, so to have so many wonderful things packed in the span of 365 days... well, is a really special, blessed occurrence. I will always remember 2010 as the year I graduated from college, went to Europe for the first time, represented our company to an international print exhibition, worked for a multinational company, bought three new gadgets, got a scholarship, spent a semester like no other in Shanghai, and ended the year sharing the holidays with the people who matter the most in my life.

Thank You for a wonderful year.

As I let go of 2010, I embrace the new year with a resounding yes to the exciting adventures ahead. Welcome to 2011, a new year, a new decade.

An Affirmation of Religion

It is always disheartening to hear news about the parish scandals and empty cathedrals, the growing impotence of the Church and the decline of religion as a whole. On a personal note, I was quite disturbed when I realized how most of the people I've met here in Shanghai, in this microcosm of the world, do not believe in any religion anymore. Experiencing more of the world has only two possible effects on faith: one, because one has seen and read so much, one realizes that religion is a puny, archaic prison holding one back from a freer pursuit of learning and fulfillment; two, seeing more makes one in awe of the world which in turn translates to an awe of the divine

As for me, I hold the latter position. I am of the opinion that the world is too beautiful and mysterious to not have any sort of higher power behind and within it. This greater power emerges in the world that is greater than the sum of its parts, in the unifying synergy flowing through all things living and non-living, earthly and celestial. This perspective owes little credit to myself though. Catholicism chose me first. I was born and raised in one of the most devoutly Catholic countries in the world. I went through seventeen years of Catholic education, go to mass, and celebrate Christian holidays. Surrounded by all this, I almost have a social obligation to believe. Yet I have a choice, so why do I choose to believe in this flawed two thousand year old framework amidst all the advances in philosophy and science ever since?

It may be true that religion is mostly a social construct. Recent research even suggested that there is a god gene implanted in every human being, granting us the biological propensity to seek for divine meaning. The earliest cave paintings to the development of mythology and monotheism all underscore the huge role religion has played in human society. Through these, we come to realize that the concept of God is not fixed. It differs across culture and evolves with history. It moves in accordance to human failure and folly.

People add and subtract to religion; they come up with their own views of what God should be for them. The Bible was not some divine text that fell from heaven, it was written by people for people. In the Old Testament resided the vengeful yet protective God that echoed the sentiments of the plagued Israelites at the time. In the New Testament there emerged the merciful, accepting God which reflected the ideals of the outcasts who wrote it. What about the time before the Bible and monotheism, does it mean that their pagan gods were necessarily false? I think not. Those gods were real to them, it was how they perceived the divine, and it gave them meaning. In my opinion, no religion is better or worse than the other; the Buddhist, Christians, and Muslims of the world are merely wearing differently colored shades all looking at the same truth.

It may also be true that some aspects of religion have been overridden by the logical consistency of science, that the study of electricity has replaced Zeus and his thunderbolt, that the Big Bang has outmoded the creation stories, and evolution has overthrown the story of the Garden of Eden. All these though do not make religion any less true. Many believe that as science continues to progress, religion will be made obsolete. But I think that's because they confuse science and religion as belonging to one sphere of reality. In this age where everything runs on logic, it is easy to demand for scientific proofs of a deity's existence. But religion does not run on cold logic alone, it beats to another tune, the tune of faith. The point of departure is completely different, but religion and science are essentially two sides of the same fundamental truth.

Even just moving within the logical realm though, it is impossible for a rational individual not to believe in some sort of a source, a primary cause, a first mover. In viewing this mysterious source, one needs to hold on to a framework. One can label it as the hands of randomness, an omnipresent living field, even a playful puppet master; or one can see it as a higher power - a God. I choose to believe in the Christian perspective of this God as Love, with the laws of the universe and all of creation stemming forth from this love. For me, it's just so much more meaningful than viewing the Source as impersonal randomness. Overbearing traditions and the institutional conflicts of the Church aside, I still feel the underlying message of love that this religion brings, I still appreciate the shimmering meaning it imbues to all reality, that's why I believe in it.

More than being about love, religion itself is also a lot like love: the freedom to choose is there, but once you have chosen, you have to stand by it through thick and thin. It can be rewarding with all its practical purposes - instilling order, fostering a sense of community and solidarity, bestowing meaning, promoting values and virtues. Religion, like love, can also be impractical and senseless but still real. When a person slaps you, will you turn the other cheek? Will you really give up your hard-earned material possessions to the poor? Sticking to seemingly pointless traditions and teachings can be part of the deal. Religion is not simply a world view, but a lifestyle requiring action and commitment. Religion, like love, is a tough choice, but it can be the most rewarding choice of all.

Reality but not Quite

Today was pretty epic. I climbed a mountain, went sightseeing at a famous lake, and watched the seventh Harry Potter movie. I never thought that I’d ever do all these on the same day, but that’s the way life’s been rolling for me recently - oftentimes random and always exciting. Afternoons of soccer or yoga, movie nights and slam poetry.. throwing parties for friends, searching for an elusive Brazilian bakery, having your friend cut your hair, riding a motorbike to claim insurance, this list could go on and on.

This weekend just adds to that growing list, another gem in the treasure trove of stories I’ve accumulated in my almost three months here in Shanghai. I was hesitant to go to this Suzhou trip to be honest, as I didn’t know any close friends who are going. The 100 RMB deal was too hard to pass up though, and I’ve been itching to go on a trip for weeks.

First stop was some Suzhou Garden.. now it might sound like it’s just some garden but this is Suzhou we’re talking about, a city renowned all around China for its garden scenery. It was the usual picture-perfect fare, with a huge lake surrounding it, but one or two hours is enough to stroll around the so-beautiful-it’s-boring lawns.

Next stop, Tai Hu. We had to ride a boat without anybody knowing what our actual destination was. It took forever to cross the lake that felt more like an ocean. Finally, land. An island, what now? Well, to my surprise, we were there to pick mandarin oranges. As many as we wanted! I got to meet some interesting guys taking graduate studies in Fudan. An interesting scene: Arguing about world economics with an Estonian master’s student in the middle of an orange orchard.

Tired legs + bags heavy with mandarin oranges = hotel time. Having only paid 100 RMB, I wasn’t expecting anything grand, in fact a shabby hostel in the middle of nowhere would’ve totally met my expectations. But how wrong I was. After a hotel-caliber dinner, I went up to what was probably the most spacious and luxurious room I’ve ever stayed in. It was awesome.

Mountain climbing the next day. It was a regular climb up a regular mountain, but still loads of fun. A chance to bond with fellow scholars. I realized that the Chinese government sponsors such a varied group of people to study here: a Fil-Am who’s lived in five different countries, a guy from Myanmar who got a level 11 HSK, some guys from Burundi, Nepal, Belarus, Kazakhstan, and even North Korea! As we were having a group picture at the mountain top, I realized that I was with a pretty exotic bunch.

Fast forward to night time. My first time to watch in a cinema here in China. As Polyjuiced Harry, Ron, and Hermione were infiltrating the Ministry, that familiar magical feeling of the books started seeping back into me. Harry Potter 7 was damn awesome. The best movie of the series hands-down. Most faithful adaptation of the book without a doubt. This is the first time in the series where the movie actually gives justice to the book.. It’s pure pleasure to watch the characters come alive on screen, to see in full-color action the sequences I so fondly pictured in my mind while reading the book more than three years ago. HP7-1 is a perfectly brewed mix of romance, action, drama, and dark sequences with a sprinkle of comedy set in the spellbinding world of Rowling’s imagination.. Having been to London just makes the setting more real yet more magical for me. After the movie, I felt like all inspiration was coming back to me.. my profound love for the series, for the characters, for stories in general..

Looking forward to more weekends like this. Back to school tomorrow. Back to reality, but not quite:)

Dry Ink

Did I just have a three-month long writer’s block? Great Firewall or no great firewall, I am stumped, my brain stale and my ink dry. I’ve always thought of myself as a writer, but what do I have to prove it, even just to myself? Two blogs filled with cobwebs? Check. A blank notebook? Check. Hammering away at the Add New Tab button until my browser freezes whenever I come face to face with a blank page and a blinking cursor? Check! Whatever happened to the notion of the scratch paper?

I can accept being average in any other field, but I am a perfectionist when it comes to writing, and that’s why I have grown so afraid of it. Anything less than awe-inspiring I’d rather not write. Any piece that I don’t feel can be an organic whole I cannot accept. That’s what’s making writing too difficult and intimidating, and this mindset is holding me back too much. I wait for an awesome idea to pop into my head, wait for this outburst of emotion to put me into a writer’s trance before I even begin dare to write anything. Writing is supposed to be free-flowing, but it has become a passive pursuit for me. I don’t control the words anymore, I just wait for them to possess me.

Not that I did not write at all in the past few months. I’ve scribbled the usual things in my notebooks and in my cellphone Notes - To-do, short-term and long-term plans, sudden nuggets of insight, realizations about myself… Colorful fragments of nothing.. null wayward strands of wonder.. impossible to weave into any tapestry. They’re pretty much like the random web articles I love to read so much. It’s so easy to do, and they make you feel like you’re doing something productive, but it’s actually quite an aimless activity. I just realized the other day that reading those little articles is like trying to catch sand.. it feels nice in those fleeting seconds that the sand slides down your hands, but you don’t actually get anything substantial from them. True learning is more like prying a hard rough stone. It may not feel as good but it’s something you can actually keep. I surmise that true learning needs focus - it can only happen when knowledge has snowballed on to the right direction, and then it just keeps going.

Okay, enough with the vague analogies. This just shows how long I haven’t written. And how I miss having this feeling of being able to bang on the keyboard keys for more than half an hour without feeling the urge to read yet another useless article on yahoo or engadget. But all is well. I realized that the amount I write is inversely proportional to the extent that I’m living. I got into writing because I had to balance the ideal and the real, but I never had that problem the past few months, because things were more than ideal. Everything was surreal.

I’ll leave that for another blog post though. But if there’s one thing that scares me more than a blank page, it’s reducing the vivacity of memories to letters, spaces, and punctuation marks. Besides, I can’t let loose too much, lest I run out of fuel for what I anticipate to be a regular string of posts from now on. Here's to hoping that the ink never runs dry again.

One month in Shanghai

Overflowing with Love

The past many days have been a flurry of reunions and farewell parties.. overflowing with love from and for my high school and college friends, officemates, my wonderful family, and Kim ;) To love and be loved in return is indeed the greatest joy of all.. I just feel so incredibly blessed to have all these people around me as a new chapter unfolds in the story of my life. Leaving home is bittersweet, but I have to bear in mind that every goodbye is simply a beckoning for bright new beginnings. I will carry the great memories wherever my journey takes me. To all that has been, Thank You, and to all that will be, Yes.

In this globalized world repercussions are much larger, but memories are much shorter.

Understanding

Study history to understand the past, science to understand the present, economics to understand the future, and philosophy to understand eternity.

Cycle

Good days are the fuel that power us to fight through the stress of bad days..

Bad days are the stinging slaps that wake us up from the complacency of good days.

Life is a balancing act.

A Swirling Mass of Colors

Things have been a swirling mass of colors lately.

Yes, a swirling mass of colors in all the world, and in the worlds inside me.

These sentiments should command at least five entries; but I'm just too lazy and I want things integrated and all-in-one. Much of my excitement is of course, tied to the recent happenings on the world stage. Spain has won its first World Cup with that glorious Iniesta goal (I did not regret staying up til 5 am for this one though I had work the following day).. LeBron James just made the blockbuster decision of tarnishing his legend forever.. This summer of mildly interesting trades and free agent signings in the NBA has just made me love my all-time favorite team San Antonio Spurs all the more. On the local front, Ateneo looks to have a fun breakout season even with its loss to FEU. Totally unrelated to sports now and moving to movies (how random), I'm absolutely excited with Inception, Nolan's new mind-bending blockbuster on a literal dream heist. Meanwhile on the political front, I have to say that President Noynoy seems to be having a great first two weeks so far. The optimism is palpable, and everyone seems to have that collective feeling that change is imminent.

Change is imminent.. this seems to be a fitting segue to the happenings of my personal life right now. I am slowly but surely approaching a point of no return. It's the ultimate paradox of human nature that we feel like backing out right when we are actually face to face with that thing we've aspired for so long. Now, the letters have finally arrived from Fudan and Tsinghua, and I will have to make the Decision soon.

And what a time to make a major life decision. I've never enjoyed this much contentment in my life. A swirling mass of jolly colors indeed. I just happily graduated from college, almost immediately found a comfortable and rewarding job at a prestigious multinational company, and now gel with my officemates as though we're family. In such a short span of time, napamahal na ako sa kanila. Speaking of pagmamahal, I'm so happily in love with Kim, who's just the most wonderful girl I've ever met. We share our Saturdays together, along with the occasional surprise visits and the Max eat-all-you-cans. Everyday, I go home to a warm, cheerful, loving family, exchanging stories and advice with my parents and brothers. During my free time, I continue to dabble in the mind-enriching things I love to do so much. Recently I've been following some incredibly inspiring Ivy League lectures on academicearth.org, already completing courses in Philosophy and Psychology (Just goes to show how much I miss Ateneo haha) and now starting with Financial Markets. I've already compiled the books I plan to read on my bedside; and I've just recently resurrected this blog. To put it succinctly, I'm living the ideal life of comfort, and it's wonderful.

And I will have to leave all of these behind.

I've waited for so long to have a chance to chase my dreams. Comfort or fulfillment? The decision is difficult but obvious. I have to take the leap.

It's time to transform that swirling mass of colors into vivid reality.

Scholarship!

The scholarship results are out. There is a very good chance that a few months from now, I will be studying in the hallowed halls of Fudan University in Shanghai under full scholarship. My heart is bursting with excitement and gratitude. This is a coming full circle of a dream that harks back to generations past, a fulfillment of destiny. This is, quite literally, a prequel to an awesome future.