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Music... more than meets the ear.

I have come to love music the way it deserves to be loved.

My taste in music had always been at least a generation behind the current craze. When people were already crazy over Westlife, I was still humming my favorite Britney Spears songs. When people had already gotten tired of N’Sync, I just started to get the hang of Backstreet Boys. And in the times when those OPMs escalated in popularity, I took a different route and explored my passion for Chinese love songs.

My highschool years marked the times wherein I attempted to address my anachronistic tendencies. I tried listening to music for the sole purpose of keeping myself updated on new trends and hit songs. I tuned in to MTV to watch the newest music videos. I religiously followed the Myx Hit Chart so that I would know which songs to download. But I quickly lost interest as it was something I had to force myself to do. For the longest time I continued to suffer in silence and cluelessness whenever the topic of music came up, or during times when everybody just had to sing along to some song I just heard for the first time.

As I matured through the years, I have realized that there has to be love and not mere infatuation between man and music. In this light, I have come to see music as something that transcends mere fads. The gigabytes upon gigabytes of tunes in my music folders would affirm that notion. I couldn’t care less if my playlists are not up-to-date nor popular. My kind of songs span a wide variety of musical genres and fit into any occasion in my life. This special assortment of songs in my music folder reflect the evolution of my musical preferences.

When I was a child, my father often played classical music so it was the first musical genre I liked. As I reached my preteen years, I started to have my own tastes and got immersed in, hate-to-admit-it, bubblegum pop. I fortunately outgrew this and went on to like boy-band and girl-band music. After that stage, the rush of hormones in my teenage years dictated my passions, and I got hooked to senti songs. Paraphrasing a quote from a friend, the sadness and longing sentimental love songs evoke actually make me feel more alive and human.

My musical horizons continue to expand. I am currently inclined towards alternative rock music, chinese songs, religious songs, and instrumental movie themes. I have developed my own standards to assess which songs are nice and which are not. In most cases, I am now able to relate whenever the topic of music comes up.

I have come to love music the way it deserves to be loved. Music truly more than meets the ear. Looking back, it certainly seems that each period of my life has been colored by a particular song or musical genre. There seems to have a soundtrack for every significant experience in my life. When I listen today to my old songs, I can’t help but have an “ecsta-nostalgic” (combination of ecstatic and nostalgic) ache in my heart.

To narrate a few instances, whenever ”In the End” by Linkin Park blares from my speakers, I float away from my computer back to that carefree summer in Beijing, once again eating cup noodles while having boisterous conversations and sharing magic tricks with tour-mates. It was as if time never passed. Whenever “If we hold on together” plays, I get to relive that magical moment in our senior year recollection, wherein our class as one big circle sings the song teary-eyed while passing roses and hugs to each other. Oh how bittersweet a feeling that is - bitter because I would never be able to truly live it again, yet sweet because I could always relive the magic through that song.

Songs in these instances cease to become mere expressions of emotion. The lyrics and even the melody are shed, and the soul of the song comes out. Music at the level of the soul immortalizes life’s best moments. As these euphoric moments die down and we fall back to our mundane lives, only music can serve as escape vehicles back to our happiest memories. In invoking our fondest stories these songs serve the highest purpose of all, as the bookmarks of life.

Wikifun!

All of us have used Wikipedia for research, but I wonder how many share my new hobby? Yes, from that lame title you can probably guess that it's... reading WIkipedia articles for fun! Call me whatever you like but it's unexpectedly fun and incredibly addictive. You start off searching for something, then you find one link that catches your attention. You click on it then you find even more links that interest you.

You can learn the most important things, like economics or computer engineering, free and unobstructed. On the other hand, you can also search about the most inconsequential things, like anime or actors' biographies or a movie synopsis, and gobble up knowledge to your heart's delight. Either way, it made me realize that everyday experiences and even school only cover such a limited spectrum of learning. Reading random articles about my interests sparks up more excitement in me than school ever can. In fact, Wikipedia has become a guilty pleasure for me.

There are some nights when I just intend to check my mail and see who's online, then a random thought like Honda CR-V or Erap or Harvard University just pops up, and I begin to search and Wikipedia just steals the entire night from me. I get too engrossed in the pool of knowledge, clicking on link upon link, attempting to but never fully satisfying my intense curiosity for almost anything.

I love WIkipedia so much that I think it should win an award as the best invention of all time, for what other device can level the intellectual playing field and empower any ordinary guy to learn things that even Ivy-League PhDs could not have dreamed about? Okay, now that I've made my point and even exaggerated it a little, I'll resume hunting for interesting Wiki articles, and commence another night of WIkifun :)

At a crossroads...

There are so many uncertainties, so many speculations and what-ifs that people at this point in life have to face.

In the past few months, as I took my first major subjects and got exposed to a wider assortment of people, there has been this pervading sense of dissatisfaction and restlessness within me. I keep on wondering, "Is this the right thing for me?", "Is this what I want to be doing sixty years from now?"

I don't know, it's probably the mundane and meandering classes, or the unsatisfactory grades, or the overall monotony and painful blankness that come with the business subjects like accounting, law, and statistics that force me to question the state I am in right now. Is it because I simply do not exert the effort? Yes, I'm certainly guilty of that but there is a possibility that the problem is bigger. It may be that I am taking up the wrong course, I sometimes ponder, or even studying in the wrong school.

I am a person more inclined to writing, stories, literature, drawings, arts in general. I do not thrive as much in problem-solving and management as in introspection, reflection, and imagination. I am neither interested nor excellent in what I am doing now, and the absence of both factors is a big problem indeed. It's sad because what I do today will set the course of the next few decades of my life. Again, the what-ifs. What if I had just taken my original course of AB Humanities (or another related course) instead of shifting and ending up where I am now? What if I had followed my heart and studied my dream course (Architecture) in my dream school (U.P.)? It was well within my reach but instead, I listened to my dad's practical advice to study management in Ateneo. Up to now, this bothers me still. I don't know if I will ever be able to get over it.

But here I am now, just a regular, underachieving student in the most populated course in the school. I guess that in the raging battle within me, practicality won over the combined forces of inclination and aptitude. I am stuck with boring lectures about the abstract gibberish of business. I am doomed to always having to worry about financial statements, corporate equities, and other accounting torture. Yes, maybe this is the penalty of my cowardice. This is payment for simply complying with the accepted status quo and shutting out my heart's desire.

I still try to look at the bright side of things here. Studying in one of the best business schools in the country and surrounded by great people, there's not really much to complain about. Although my current course does not lead to happiness and fulfillment in my point of view, it at least promises stability and financial security. Dabbling in the arts will have been a much riskier option, especially in the financial aspect. Secondly, this gives me an opportunity to broaden my horizons, to step away from my comfort zone and meet new exciting challenges. Also, studying business management can help me address my inherent weaknesses and bring a little more discipline, leadership, and organization to my life.

My life right now is at a crossroads. I am at a point wherein every little decision can set me up for success or downfall in the future, which is why I can't help but ponder about these things. I just comfort myself by the knowledge that in front of me a myriad of new opportunities and exciting challenges still await, and they are coming ever nearer within my reach. Beside me are family and friends supporting me, expecting me to step up and become someone. Behind me is a wild and carefree past, abound with lessons from mistakes and what-ifs. And within me is hope - something, I believe, which conquers even the mightiest uncertainties and which helps ease the monotony of it all. Quoting Van Gogh, "For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream."

Life is never a clear path, who knows what the future can hold? Up to now, I am still stuck, still unsure about which choices to pursue but who knows? Someday, somewhere, I just might gather up enough courage to chase after my dreams.

Welcome!

Visit my online scratch paper at http://iscratchpaper.tumblr.com!;)

我的小天堂

我的卧室首先看起来好像没有什么特性。开门一进来，总是会看到卧室非常凌乱 - 有弄皱的毯跟枕头散在地上，各种东西到处乱七八糟的分散。淡蓝色的墙壁有画了一些弟弟的乱涂。对，这个卧室是我跟三个弟弟分享的。难怪会那么混沌.卧室中间是我弟弟们的床。因为我们太多，床又不是很大，可怜的哥哥只好睡与地上的小床垫。床旁边有一个 单色的大内阁让我们放衣装。在另一边也是同样很平庸的窗口。在房间的角落有一个桌子让我们读书。有许多小说和杂志分散在桌子旁边。桌子上面有电脑让我们做功课或者上网。

虽然说我的卧室不是那么特别，它还是我整个房子里最喜欢的房间。虽然凌乱，房间是满活泼的。我进去房间时，好像所有的困难都会忘掉。每个晚上，我们兄弟们会不止的开玩笑，傻傻的大喊大叫，或者会马马虎虎的唱歌。因为有这些多姿多彩的回忆，一个普通的卧室变成了我的小天堂。有时候，我不想再离开卧室了。我好想时间不要再冲过去了。我真想永远保存着卧室里一切珍貴的時刻。