Monday, August 11, 2008

An Inexplicable Happiness

I don't think I've ever been happier in my life.

No, I am not in love or inspired. And nothing particularly good has happened to me. In fact, today I just got the disastrous results of my oral exams under Fr. Dacanay. But there really is this transcendent, almost magical happiness within me that defies logic or explanation. All I know is that this happiness has continually been building up ever since my early childhood.

Prep school was probably the unhappiest point in my life. Almost every night, I'd have these nightmares that would kindle my innermost fears. At home, I often got envious of my brothers for taking all my parents' attention. In school, I would achieve excellence and win contests. But as the medals piled up, the pressure escalated, and the misery only grew worse. As I proceeded to my elementary years however, I stopped having the nightmares. I slowly broke free from the pressures that the achievements created. As I got older and freer, I became happier and more appreciative of everything around me.

I never realized all this until just a few days ago, when my world turned upside down after I lost the reservation to our room for our project's General Assembly. I was in dire straits at that time; I did not know what to do. What made it worse is that I was the one who volunteered to reserve the room, and my groupmates had already texted the hundreds of members and even made a poster showing the venue of the GA. They thought that I had reserved the venue weeks before. Just two days before the event, I lost the reservation. I usually keep problems to myself, but at that time I wanted to release the stress since I had Theo orals the next day. I told my friends about it, texted them about it, asked for help. Finally, laoshi/ouxiang offered to help me. At first, I wasn't relieved. But when he promised me that I would get a room, I felt a lot better. When I went home, I vented all the stress by sharing it with my brothers. They patiently listened to me and even offered advice. Oh thank God for friends and family.

The next day, laoshi told me that... there was a room for me! It was such a moment of relief for me. But more than that, it was the moment I realized how happy I am and how thankful I should be for everything in my life.

to be continued...